The Year Mark

A year of our soul pouring it’s pain out through our eyes.  A year of long days and even longer sleepless nights.  A year of deeply missing the person we love. A year of thinking about our person every single second of every single day. 

A year of feeling debilitating and suffocating pain even while taking a breath. A year of struggling with mental health.  A year of guilt and sadness and anger and frustration and overwhelm and sometimes feeling all those emotions under one breath.  

A year of confusion, a year of figuring out who I am, a year of mourning a life I loved, a year of grieving not only Tony’s death, but grieving all HIS hopes and dreams and life that was cut short.

A year of triggers, a year of barely treading water, a year of many secondary losses, a year of going back and forth from feeling every ounce of my pain to numbing it all away only to end up feeling it even more.  A year of complete vulnerability. A year of being shocked that I actually survived another day.

A year of realizing that as much as this year has been the absolute worst year of my entire life, If i were give the guarantee of growing old with someone else or never having met Tony and gone through the pain of his death, I would go through this pain 10 times over just to live through the honor of sharing the years of our lives that we shared.